


Rose Gardens

by carolinecrane



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are promises Nick can't keep. He hopes this isn't one of them. Post-ep for 7.24, "Living Doll".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rose Gardens

They don't talk about Grissom's big confession. There's no time, not if they want to find Sara before it's too late. And that's their only priority; there's no time for sleep, no time to grab so much as a cup of coffee and a couple minutes' rest, not when one of their own is out there somewhere.

But Nick's thinking about it, even though he doesn't say the words out loud, and he can tell Greg's thinking about it too. They all are; in between worrying about Sara and assuring each other they'll find her in time, they're all thinking about what Grissom said and how it must feel to be in his shoes right now.

"Hey," Greg says, appearing at Nick's shoulder and raising a hand to block out the early morning sun as they both stare out over the desert. "Anything?"

Nick shakes his head in answer, swallowing the relieved sigh that goes along with seeing Greg’s face after a few hours apart. And it’s stupid, because he’s known where Greg was this whole time, but it’s easy to let the fear take over when there’s nothing to look at but miles of empty desert. He hates this...this _helplessness_ he hasn't been able to shake since they found out Sara was missing, and he can’t help wondering if this is how the rest of the team felt when the same thing happened to him.

"How's Grissom?"

"Focused," Greg answers, and Nick doesn't ask him to elaborate. He's known Grissom long enough to know what it means, knows that Grissom's way of dealing is to attack the situation with as much logic as he can muster. And Nick gets it, gets that the only way Grissom can cope is to keep all his emotions out of it, but it's still hard to watch.

If it was him in Grissom's shoes he probably would have lost it already, let frustration and fear get a hold of him and driven everyone crazy until Grissom or Brass ordered him off the case. He'd proved as much during the Demetrius James case, and he knew it was only because Greg wasn't seriously injured that he managed to keep it together at all.

And maybe later they'll all remember to be surprised that Grissom's in love with Sara, that he managed to keep it a secret this long and then admitted it so casually. Which in Grissom's world is as close as it gets to falling apart, so maybe he's not holding it together as well as it seems.

They fall into step with the rest of the search party, sweeping across the desert on foot and searching for any sign of the wrecked car or Sara. Nick knows they should put some distance between them so they can cover more ground, but he feels better with Greg next to him. Less hopeless, maybe, or just grateful that it's neither of them in danger this time.

As soon as he thinks it the guilt sets in, because Sara's his friend and he wants her to be safe. He'd even take her place if he could, but he wouldn't trade Greg for her safety. And maybe that makes him selfish, but he's willing to live with it. 

"So how long do you think Grissom and..." Nick trails off, scared to say her name because he hasn’t given up on finding her, but she's already been out here for hours. 

Greg shrugs next to him, eyes still fixed on the horizon. "Awhile. She's been into him for a long time, anyway."

And Greg always knows this stuff way before Nick does, so he doesn't question it. Instead he shakes his head and turns back to the endless stretch of desert in front of them, squinting into the sun. "He’s holding it together pretty well, considering."

"It's an act," Greg says with a confidence that makes Nick's heart skip a beat. "Trust me."

Nick knows what he's not saying: that he knows how Grissom feels, that he's been there and he doesn't like reliving the fear all over again. They never talk about what it was like for either of them, when Nick was sure he was going to die and Greg was powerless to do anything about it. They didn't talk about it right after it happened, and he's not planning to talk about it now either. But he gets how Greg feels – as least he thinks he does – and he has to push down a fresh wave of guilt at being the reason Greg had to feel that way.

"We'll find her," he says, but that's not even close to what he wants to say. He wants to say that he's sorry, that he's not planning to put either of them through that again if he can help it. He wants to tell Greg he loves him, that that's the thought that kept Nick going when he wanted to surrender to the blackness. He wants to reach over and take Greg's hand, just long enough to let Greg know that Nick gets it. But they're surrounded by Clark County personnel, all the warm bodies they could marshal to help in the search, and even if they were alone, they're supposed to be focused on Sara.

He tells himself there will be plenty of time for reassurance later, after they've found Sara and made sure she's okay. Once this nightmare is over and they're all back where they belong, he'll have all the time in the world to make Greg forget there was ever a time when he thought Nick might not come back to him. And he knows it’s not his fault, what Walter Gordon did to him, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to make up for it.

“Greg, I…”

“I know,” Greg interrupts before Nick can say it, looking over and giving Nick his first real smile since they heard about Sara. Nick can see the strain around his mouth, the worry in his eyes that isn’t quite eclipsed by the smile. Still, it’s nice to see that Greg _can_ smile with everything that’s happening around them, and a little of the weight lifts from Nick’s chest. “We can talk about it after we find Sara.”

They probably won’t talk about it. They haven’t talked about it for all this time, and whatever happens with Sara probably won’t change that. And that’s fine with Nick, because even if they never say the words, they understand each other, and that’s really all that matters. Nick can count on Greg to get him, and in return he’s going to make sure Greg knows he’ll always be there.


End file.
